Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
