Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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