barbara walters just said penis...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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