Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
