I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
