Porn is love you can see.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
