When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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