There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
