does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
