Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize