I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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