Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
