I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize