I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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