I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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