I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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