so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
