Your dad touched me again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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