Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We got so high we made milksteak
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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