Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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