Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
