shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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