I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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