Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
