you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
