my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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