I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
