I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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