Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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