Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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