so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
