dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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