All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He did a backflip because drugs
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