Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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