Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize