dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
