just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just gargled with NyQuil
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize