Moan for me like Helen Keller
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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