I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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