i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
