we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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