Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
