you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the day after is always just damage control
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
