I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
