Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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