yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
