dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
one might say we're banned from that church
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
