dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just gargled with NyQuil
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
