Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
