i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
