I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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