that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
