Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
