Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
