I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
