If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
