but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
