well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Mom said you looked used
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
