what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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