Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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