Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
