break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't turn off my feet"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
