I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just cropdusted the office
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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