Me. At least after what I've been through.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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