come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
