apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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