Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
