I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
