Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Boobs are out for the taking
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He shit in the fireplace
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
