I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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