??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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