i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
