What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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