when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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