Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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