Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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